I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
