I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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