dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is Oprah even human
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
