Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
