I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
