The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
