I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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