I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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