do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
