I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
