but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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