no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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