i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
