He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
