Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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