Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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