I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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