yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize