butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
