WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
