You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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