At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Of course I have a pirate flag
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize