I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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