My brain says no but my pants say off.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
