Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
