Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
