I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
