watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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