He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
