I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
