69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize