is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
