She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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