I wish life had little blips of pornography
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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