never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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