Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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