my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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