Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize