So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
