yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
