he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
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