i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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