Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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