ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
