You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
