i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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