dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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