who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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