My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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