he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
