I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
