Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
