I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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