i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
