So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
