dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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