Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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