My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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