Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize