I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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