so explain again why im purple
no
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
