Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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