so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
