i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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