I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize