YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
