Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
