there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
