My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
As shirtless as possible
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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