so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
