What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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