Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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