No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
