What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
