I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Randomize
